12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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