hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
