Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
This baby is an asshole
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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