I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
