Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
