he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
