i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
