i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I smell stomach acid.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize
