I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
