Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
