i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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