I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
