...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
