Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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