Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
