im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
