i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
