It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
