All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
