Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
