from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
COCAINE IS GR8
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
