I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i dont even know how to be here
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
