I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
