my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
