So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
