he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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