I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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