You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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