i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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