and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
