Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
