I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
