I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
