Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
