I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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