I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
