i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
