She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
In America we eat man semen.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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