that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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