After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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