escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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