my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
