im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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