I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
