I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
