I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
