he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
