I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
