I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
