I hate your face
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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